Thursday, September 15, 2011

Kaiju Reviews #12 - Destroy All Monsters

Holy crap! This thing has at least 11 monsters in it! This is gonna be a balls-to-the-walls all-out monster jamboree, right?! ... Right...?

We now flash forward to the distant future of 1999 (which still looks more like the 60's than anything else), where they introduce us to Monsterland, an island paradise that houses most of the world's monsters... and a rocket that some guys built, BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THAT WHEN THERE'S ALL OF THESE MONSTERS?! Apparently the movie somewhat agrees with me, as an alien race known as the Kilaaks (who curiously all look like women dressed in sparkly clothing) quickly take control of the monsters and set them loose on major metropolitan areas, such as New York (Godzilla), Paris (Gorosaurus), and Singapore (Manda). So, I bet you think that the bulk of the movie is going to be the monsters' rampages around the world, right? ... Well, to put it bluntly, no. No, it's not. Instead, the majority of the film revolves around the humans and their attempt to stop the aliens, so instead of describing all of that boring crap, I'm just going to say that they eventually do... by pursuing them to an inaccurately-depicted Moon. So, yeah, once the humans break the monsters out of the Kilaaks' control, Godzilla & Co. band together to stop the alien menace... and speaking of alien menaces, the Kilaaks end up summoning King Ghidorah as a last resort! And... erm... no one else... so... yeah, given that he's fighting at least 7 monsters at once... he's kinda screwed. He does manage to hold his own for several minutes, and I'll give him that, but the battle is concluded with our heroes vanquishing King Ghidorah once and for all... atleast until the next movie, anyway. So after that, the Kilaaks unleash their Last-Last Resort, the Fire Dragon... which is really just a UFO with fire around it. So after the pointless scene goes on for awhile, the UFO is destroyed and Godzilla manages to find the Kilaaks' base... that gets destroyed too, if you're not noticing the pattern. So, yeah, Godzilla and his happy bunch that I'm too lazy to mention individually by name then go back to Monsterland and live happily ever after... and that's about it. By the way, a new DVD/Blu-Ray release (WITH SPECIAL FEATURES OMG) of this is going to be released next month, by Media Blasters. I didn't intend this post to happen around that time, it just turned out that way. So... yeah.

3.0/5.0 - The [few] scenes with monsters are really good and that alone raises it up a point. Oh well, at least the aforementioned video release is going to have an Audio Commentary...

No comments:

Post a Comment