Friday, September 30, 2011

Kaiju Reviews #16 - Godzilla vs. Megalon

Uh-oh! Be prepared for some crazy-ass shit, because THIS IS GODZILLA VS. MEGALON, BITCH! We start off with two male lovers--erm... I mean scientists, who are developing a robot known only as JET JAGUAR. Oh yeah, you know that this is gonna be balls-to-the-walls. Elsewhere, however, there lives an underground race of Z-Grade Actors known as the Seatopians. They're pissed about the testing of nuclear bombs that's slowly destroying their home. As such, they end up summoning Megalon and naturally sends him to attack Japan... even though nukes aren't even allowed there... yeah... Anyway, Megalon flies throughout the skies of Tokyo (I'm assuming) and uses stock footage of King Ghidorah's lightning bolts to destroy the city... And then he has the nerve to destroy a dam! THE FIEND... Jet Jaguar knows that mindless actions such as this cannot be tolerated, so he overrides his own programming, grows in size, and flies over to Megalon, ready to do battle... Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that Megalon is a really STUPID monster? So yeah, Jet Jaguar actually has the upper hand. The Seatopians then start to panic and politely ask the Cockroach Aliens (who are SUPPOSED to be dead, if I remember correctly...) if they can borrow Gigan (who's SUPPOSED to be out of the Aliens' control, if I remember correctly...) for a minute or two. The Cockroaches agree and Gigan ends up arriving after a little while, teaming up with Megalon. Given that this is a 2-on-1 battle, they naturally make quick work of Jet Jaguar, who ends up flying to Monster Island. He then ends up using the power of charades to communicate with Godzilla, who agrees to team up with our hydraulic hero, IN ORDER TO SAVE THE... well... random abandoned country side. Godzilla & Jets end up making their way over there and encounter Megalon and Gigan once more, beginning their battle of epic proportions... and stock footage. With so much stock footage in the movie, I bet you could even believe that this movie was shot in only 3 weeks... which it was. But ANYHOO, seeing as the rest of the movie is pretty much just the monsters battling, I'm going to mention several highlights, such as:
& (everyone's favorite)
THE SLIDING KICK! HOO-WAAAAA (There's even an instant replay!)

Somewhere along the line, however, Gigan ends up retreating first (again) and Megalon follows suit shortly after, tunneling back to his underground home. As a way to celebrate their victory, Godzilla ends up inviting Jet Jaguar over to his place for some champagne (not RLY), but he declines, opting to sing The Jet Jaguar Song intead (YA RLY). Goddamn, this is awesome.

A score wouldn't do this movie justice. It must be seen to be believed... I mean, yeah, it's bad (and I mean BAD) but it's a so-bad-it's-good kind of bad. It's the kind of thing to watch with a friend and make fun of it the whole time... which I guess is why it was featured on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

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