Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Kaiju Reviews #4 - Godzilla vs. The Thing

By god... In this movie, Godzilla fights a gigantic, tentacled monster so hideous and gruesome that it can't even be seen... or named, it is only known as: The Thing. It's undoubtebly the most hideous, largest, and toughest foe that Godzilla has ever faced in any of his 28 films... humankind quakes in its might and terror and... and...


Just kidding, it's only Mothra. Anyhow, at the beginning of the movie, it appears that Mothra (who as I mentioned earlier, is curiously referred to as "The Thing" in the American dub) is going to take center-stage. Any true Godzilla fan should know who Mothra is... however, if you don't, two certain singing fairies named the Shobjin (aka: The Peanuts zapped with a shrinking ray) are going to hammer it in for you. Basically, Mothra likes peace... and in order to enforce this peace she's gonna kick everyone's ass.
Nah, just joking. In reality, her egg had been stolen by some jerkoff and he's going to use it as an attraction to get more money (and quickly gets a dome made for it too). And if Mothra doesn't get her egg back soon, she's gonna kick everyone's ass... I'm serious this time. Elsewhere, Godzilla rises out of the ground and starts to attack from Japan. No matter what they do to him (giving him a more relentless and brutal assault then ever before), Godzilla remains completely unscathed, attacking Japan without any real interference. Even the US army comes in briefly, only to be killed by Godzilla. Looks like everyone is in deep shit now. As if nothing could possibly get worse, Godzilla heads towards Mothra's egg... obviously, Mothra does not approve of this. Godzilla defeats her pretty easily, but what did you expect? Would YOU have much energy after laying an egg that's nearly two times your size? Didn't think so. Anyhow, Godzilla wades to a distant island... which is populated by people. Crap. BUT HAVE NO FEAR! The Shobjin makes the egg hatch early... and two Mothra larvae come out! They both swim to the island and battle Godzilla, easily overcoming him... by wrapping him in silk. Once again, he falls into the ocean.
This is the 2nd movie that he's been defeated in, in a row, the 1st by a Gorilla, and the 2nd by caterpillars...
So much for being the "King of the Monsters".

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