HOLY SHIT

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1118017027.html?categoryid=13&cs=1
http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=64648

GUH... GUH...

Kaiju Reviews #2 - Godzilla Raids Again

Hello there, peepz! I'm picking up right where I left off last time, and I'm moving on to the sequel... and once again it's over the Japanese version (however, the US version is so shitty that I'll just have to discuss it later somehow). Unlike our previous movie... well, somewhat unlike our previous movie, this is pretty much just a quick cash-in, so this is pretty much like one of your typical Sci-Fi B-Movies (Although the style of the monster battles are a lot different than in later entries in the series). Generally, the plot tries to somewhat be like the first... except none of the characters are likable anymore (except for when I flip on the English dub and keep on rewinding to the part where that guy says "Banana Oil"), but I digress. Anyhow, let's get on to the plot:

Two guys (who I officially christen as "Fat-Ass" and "Bannana Oil-Guy") go to an island to do... god knows what, fishing I guess, when they suddenly see... GODZILLA! ... and he's fighting another monster (Anguirus, a giant anklyosaurus)! Exactly why they're fighting is anyone's guess. After a brief tussle, they both fall back into the water. When the government learns the news of another Godzilla, they don't go into a shitfit like last time. They're supposed to be in deep depression, but I honestly think that they all look a little bored (the actors were probably impatient for their paychecks). And oh yeah, remember when I mentioned how they would have pretty much no way to kill Godzilla now? That would probably explain their deep depression (although I'm still going with the paychecks thing). However, they [sort of] have a solution! As Godzilla is wading towards the city of Osaka, planes drop flares into the ocean, which lures Godzilla away from the shore (he hates bright lights, seeing as the Hydrogen Bomb awakened and mutated him). After a scene of Cops 'N Robbers which pretty much makes the movie stop dead for a few minutes (one highlight being the slowest car chase ever) the robbers' truck crashes into an industrial building, resulting in a huge explosion. The fire attracts both Godzilla and Angurius to the city, resulting in Godzilla's very first full-blown monster showdown. After a savage battle that goes on for several minutes Godzilla defeats Anguirus by biting his throat and lighting him on fire with his nuclear breath. Don't f*ck with Godzilla. After the battle, Godzilla is apparently pretty tuckered out to wreak more havoc (besides, most of the city was destroyed during the course of the battle anyway), he goes back into the ocean, swimming off to parts unknown.

After this, Fat-Ass, Banana Oil-Guy, and Annoying Woman all move to Hokkaido. During some sort of party inside a cruise boat, Godzilla attacks the boat. Banana Oil-Guy doesn't like this, so they send a search party for Godzilla. They find him on some icy island, filled with... ice. They try to drop bombs on him, but this obviously has no effect. Then Fat-Ass accidentally crashes into a mountain, killing himself. Idiot. Banana Oil-Guy grieves for a little while and then (after a brief and pointless scene where they refuel their jets), they go back to the island, where Godzilla is already half-buried in ice... why he didn't use his nuclear breath to melt the ice is beyond me. Banana Oil-Guy & Friends then finish the job, completely submerging Godzilla in ice. However they haven't gotten rid of him... at least for a few years, anyway.

SCORE:

2.8/5.0

Kaiju Reviews #1 - Godzilla

Time for a series of posts that I'll be updating regularly:

Kaiju Reviews (Reviews of Japanese giant-monster movies; and maybe ones from other countries as well)! First off, I'll start with the Godzilla series, seeing as it's my favorite. As such, I will begin with the first movie... no, not the heavily-edited American one (it even has a seperate article on Wikipedia!), the original Japanese one. This edition of the series focuses a lot more on story, so my love of wanton destruction has to take a little bit of a backseat for this one.

Anyway, I'll try to describe the story as best as I can. Keep in mind, this isn't for the weak-hearted; this is hardcore shit:

First of all, what I assume to be an oil tanker is cruisin' around the ocean, when they spot a bright light... and what's the most natural thing to do? Why, go towards it, of course! They investigate the source of the light and suddenly it explodes... or something, and they all end up getting radiation sickness. One even ends up getting stranded in the ocean and ends up floating to an island, which is conviniently where his home is. Meanwhile, a team of investigators show up, examining mysterious footprints on the island, which are filled to the brim with radioactivity. Later that night, Godzilla attacks (although he isn't seen yet), setting waste to the village. The next day, the villagers, armed with their pointiest spears, run up the hill... only to run right back down once they see what Godzilla actually is. The Japanese government is in a panic, once they realize that Godzilla is a dinosaur, awakened and possibly mutated by the Hydrogen Bomb that the US tested on the Bikini Atoll the year before (how they actually managed to figure that out is beyond me). They can't decide whether to keep it a secret or to tell everyone, which results in a huge arguement.

Of course, this proves something that we already know:

The government sucks ass.

Fortunately, the army decides for them and sends ships to kill the monster. Of course, they don't even leave a single mark on him, and he wastes them easily. This sends the government into an even BIGGER panic. And that isn't exactly a good thing either, seeing as Godzilla arrives in Tokyo the very next day. He annihalates the small area that he's in. And unlike most other Godzilla movies, this Godzilla actually directly and deliberately attacks people, such as biting a train (presumably crushing a lot of people) and then throwing it onto the ground. This ain't your daddy's Godzilla. After a brief attack (although it still killed a lot of people), he marches back into the ocean. One day later, the Government quickly builds a bunch of electrical towers, in an attempt to ward Godzilla off. That night Godzilla arrives, stepping through the towers... however, instead of making him go away, it just pisses him off. As such, he uses his nuclear breath for the very first time and melts the towers, as well as the various other obstacles that get in his way (The atomic breath would've been much more of a surprise if they didn't prominently display it on the movie posters... >.>). He then goes on a a rampage through Tokyo. Everyone is helpless, as Godzilla eventually destroys the entire city, going back into Tokyo Bay as if nothing even happened. What a badass. Later, one of Tokyo's smartest (and eccentric) scientists, Dr. Serizawa, has a weapon called the Oxygen Destroyer, which may be the only thing that can defeat Godzilla. After being involved in a love triangle and many inner conflicts, he goes into the ocean and uses it to destroy Godzilla, as well as himself, so the weapon can never be used against humanity... but that also means that when future Godzillas come along, there will be practically no way to kill them... except for possibly a monster battle or two.

SCORE:

4.5/5

Some Unusual News

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/movies/2010/03/space-invaders-movie-midway-marlowe.html

I'll let this article explain it.

The Woes of Marvin [1]

-Day One-
Life? Ugh... don't talk to me about life... and don't talk to me about me being a robot, which means I technically don't live at all. Also, don't remind me that I'm neither Paranoid nor an Android, because that just reminds me that I was created by incompetent beings.

You know about a site called YouTube?

Wretched, isn't it?

Organic life-forms, posting stuff that they didn't even make in the first place... it sickens me.

I also talked to Alan Rickman once.

I like him.
-End of Day One-

Holy Crap

http://www.invadercon.com

ZIIIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!

.... And check out these Twitter links too.

http://twitter.com/JhonenV - Jhonen Vasquez, the creator of Invader Zim (as well as Jhonny the Homicidal Maniac and Squee!)

http://twitter.com/RichardHorvitz - Richard Horvitz, the voice of Invader Zim himself (although you may also know him as a certain gold robot from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers...)

Party Like it's 1991!

If you happen to own a Nintendo DS, Sonic Classic Collection has arrived on shelves today. It allows you to play the first four Sonic games: Sonic the Hedgehogs 1, 2, & 3, and Sonic & Knuckles (as well as all of its lock-on games) on-the-go. Both Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles hasn't been on the portable market since the Sega Nomad came out, nearly two decades ago. It also has some bonus content to browse through, such as videos and artwork. It also allows Knuckles to adventure alongside Sonic for the very first time, in both Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles. If this doesn't make you drool, I don't know what will... like maybe a damn Mario collection for the DS. I'd buy that shit.