Thursday, December 1, 2011

Kaiju Reviews #19 - Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah [Written by skull902]

The Heisei series can wait for one man, but this man it can not! Hi, it's me again. skull902. ...I really gotta make myself one of these Blogspot thingies, they seem nice. Anyway, I've been given the official job of Heisei Godzilla reviews. AIN'T THAT COOL? This is "Godzilla VS King Ghidorah", what I'm considering a remake of the 1964 classic, "Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster". This movie was originally released in Japanese theatres in 1991, then on American DVD/VHS in 1998 (to capitalize on the popularity of something that is so awful I can't even describe it...yet, anyway).

The movie opens with peoplez. From the future. Over-looking the corpse of a certain two- err, three-headed monster who was involved in a lil' scuffle with our old pal Godzilla. They discuss it for a moment until the movie decides to jump to something else.

Some newspaper writer guy gets a phone call from a publisher who wants him to write a story about aliens for the paper. He declines (even though his previous writings have made him a rich man), saying he doesn't write fiction anymore. Wait, seriously? Aliens have been around before! Multiple times! And this guy can't get a fucking clue about- wait, what's that? Different cannon? But that doesn't make- ...oh well.

We jump again to this crazy guy, lecturing the public of a...bus stop I think? About...something and is considered too damn crazy to continue. He's escorted forcefully out of...wherever he made the lecture by security guards. Turns out he and his garrison were saved on Lagos Island in World War II by a dinosaur. Nothing out of the ordinary for a monster film- WAIT. I said "World War II". That was during the 1940s (for the most part)! And Godzilla didn't first appear until 1954! And if "Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla"'s telling of events is correct, then 1954 was the first noted happening of a monster attack! So that means...IT IS OUT OF THE ORDINARY!

After some...stuff, I guess, some "Futurians" (who consist of a guy, a girl, and an android) arrive and are like "We wanna meet the Prime Minister tomorrow." Even though he probably has one of the world's busiest schedules, the Japanese Prime Minister is able to pencil them in for a meeting. Then they have the meeting. With the author guy. The Futurians have a book written by Mr. Author about Godzilla that was published...IN THE FUTURE! Turns out in the future nobody gave a shit about his crappy book. They conclude that getting rid of the dinosaur that would be later affected by nuclear testing would be the solution to getting rid of Godzilla. So the Futurians, the author guy and- OH MY GOD! That psychic chick! Yeah, turns out Miki here is in every movie from "Biollante" until "Destroyah". Anyway, they all go to that fateful day in 1944. They don't bring the crazy guy with them, because two of him in the same place would cause one to be erased from existance...which, in all honesty, doesn't sound like a huge problem.

So they get there and blast by some Americans who are dubbed over even though the actors are speaking English. One of them is Stephen Speilberg, by the way. Or rather, a younger version of him. Anyway, they teleport away Godzillasaurus (...LAME), sending him somewhere else and the one future chick replaces it with three little Dorats unbeknownst to the non-Futurians. Guess who they become? Yeah, the nuclear test on the island still happens.

Anyway, after all that shit's done they get back to 1991 and the future chick bullshits- err, I mean informs the author guy about how in the year 2204 Japan is the largest and richest country in the world. Yay. Then soon enough a monster attack happens and it's King Ghidorah. It was a setup the whole time! Yeah, the future guy wanted King Ghidorah attacking to ruin Japan's ecenomy and therefore affecting it's growth in the future! ...And Godzilla WASN'T doing this in the first place?

So the future chick sneaks in and re-programs the android (who was on future guy's side before) and they team up with the author to stop this travesty. Godzilla apparently was made by some Russians when THEY were testing out their nukes and he kicks Ghidorah's ass, killing him. Hooray the terror's over! Oh no! The terror has begun! Yeah so Godzilla's back. He kills some dudes (including future guy and Mr. Crazy, after Crazy THOUGHT Godzilla was being his friend when they met for a short moment) and the future chick comes up with the idea to go to the future. Why? It's not like they can bring Ghidorah back to li- HOLY SHIT IT'S MECHA-KING GHIDORAH. Shit. Just. Got. REAL!

Godzilla and Mecha-King Ghidorah have an awesome fight and Godzilla is driven back to the sea, presumed dead. The future chick goes back to her time and all seems well. Until it's shown that Godzilla is still alive. Yeah, dawg.

Some say that this movie is one of the best in the whole Godzilla franchise and I certainly agree. It's got a great amount of action and a decent plot, too.

Score: 4.5/5.0

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