Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Kaiju Reviews #9 - Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster

Yes, I'm finally doing this again, somewhat to prepare for the new comic that I probably mentioned a million times. But anyway, yeah, you all better prepare yourselves, because this is when they start to get pretty damn stupid... or weird. I can't exactly tell the difference.

So, yeah, in this movie, Godzilla fights a giant SHRIMP... what the f*ck? You'd think a giant shrimp would be less strange than a Three-Headed Dragon from outer-space that shoots lightning bolts... but, here we are. So, if you're still in awe that this movie features "Fire-Breathing Reptile-on-Giant Shrimp-AKTCHUN", well... it originally, it didn't. Starting out, this movie was going to feature Toho's version of King Kong instead, yeah, the same one from King Kong vs. Godzilla. This time however, RKO did not want Toho to use him. Despite this, Toho still wanted to use the screenplay anyway, so they simply replaced Kong with Godzilla, making little-to-no changes to the actual movie. Makes perfect sense, amirite. But anyway, let's get onto a heavily-condensed version of this plot, so I won't torture myself (yes, this movie has somewhat of a complicated plot, as hard as it is to believe).

We start out with Annoying Hyper Japanese Guy, who is looking for his brother (despite being seemingly killed in a shipwreck). As such, he hijacks a boat and sails around aimlessly, with his friend and a criminal (sounds like the makings of a sitcom!). These fun and games can't last for too long however, as a giant fecking claw ends up sinking their ship. Bummer. Sometime later, they end up washing onto an island, where they meet a female native. She explains that the island's inhabitants are forced into slavery by the terrorist organization known as the Red Bamboo. In order to keep anyone from leaving the island, they use some sort of liquid in order to control the titular Sea Monster, Ebirah, thus why all of these shipwrecks keep on happening. Eventually, they end up finding Godzilla, who's sleeping in a cave. As such, they decided to shock Godzilla (via a lightning rod) in order to to wake the big guy up... probably not the best idea. Nonetheless, Godzilla ends up wandering into the ocean, where he has his first encounter with Ebirah, fighting in a battle of epic proportions... which also happens to include a small game of rock-volleyball:
After their brief encounter, Ebirah retreats and Godzilla goes off to do god-knows-what. After a bunch of shit happens that I don't particularly care about, Godzilla returns, battling a Giant Condor that appears completely out of nowhere... however, the battle only consists of the Condor pecking him a bunch of times and Godzilla promptly frying the damned thing in a rage of pissy-fury. Shows him. Shortly afterwards, the Red Bamboo send out jets, because jets obviously work on Godzilla. Predictably, Godzilla makes short work of them and sometime later, destroys the Red Bamboo's base of operations (the liquid controlling Ebirah gets destroyed as well). Then the natives summon Mothra or something, so she decides to fly over and save the islanders while Godzilla is fighting Ebirah. However, Godzilla defeats Ebirah sooner than expected when he ends up ripping both of Ebirah's claws off, forcing him to retreat. Godzilla then ends up challenging Mothra... for some reason... But, seeing as she doesn't have time to deal with this shit, she just blows Godzilla down with her wings and flies off... oh yeah, did I mention that the island was going to explode? Fortunately, Godzilla manages to cannonball off the island just in time. Aw, yeah.


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